What happens in Yompton stays in Yompton

“My biggest fear when I wake up after getting all drunk and shitty is that my teeth will be missing.”

- The Mango

X-mas

Normally I’m annoyed by mass emails that feature lowest common denominator humor, but this one is appropriate for today. Thanks mom.

Canon is sending me a very, merry Christmas present: my camera – fixed free of charge. Please don’t steal it off my porch.

Santa opens fire

Also, Merry Christmas from Iran

Lucero on Ohio Rocks

(Lucero @ The Rumba Cafe, 2008)

Not the best interview, but the hardest working band in the world deserves all the attention they can get.

The Black Cloud #2, punk rock stories and photos …

is finally done. At least the dummy. Now on to copying, folding, stapling and distributing. Uh, the real fun stuff. If anyone wants to help with copies that would be a huge help. I have a free place, but it might take a few trips to get everything done.

Enough of that for tonight, it’s time to celebrate with Dead Moon and cheap wine.

I would like to thank a few of you that asked recently if the issue was done yet. That was all it took to finish this nine-month project. I wish you would have been pushier about it, maybe even outright dicks …

So that’s my New Year’s resolution: to be pushy when it comes to my friends getting their projects done.

What would everyone like to see get done in 09?

Worst lyrics of the year

For 15 minutes I tried to think of who would actually like Nickelback and I couldn’t think of a single stereotype.

In other music news, with plenty of time off for the holidays there are plenty of bands on tour. There were two shows at my house this weekend and I didn’t see one band. I blame it on recently buying a case of cheap red wine and an invention that involved a blender pitcher, apple and my kitchen sink.

I did see one hip-hop act at Bourbon Street on Thursday, but I don’t remember the group’s name. Maybe it’s because I rarely see rap performed in a bar (usually just Youtube and on the  street corner), but I thought the guy was pretty entertaining – strong stage presence, good flow (for a Suburban-looking white kid), well rehearshed – until I started listening to the lyrics.

Yep, the only thing more ridiculous than Christian rap is Christian metal … barely.

RIP Sparks

 

… or at least as we knew ya.  No word on getting my Canon back from the camera doctors, but it can’t come soon enough. Sick of posting about stupid shit like this.

Videos to help cure your hangover

NO TIGHT CLOTHES

FAREWELL KISS, MR BUSH

Trashing Convention

Almost forgot about posting the article that sent Dumpster divers into a frenzy earlier this week. Relax, attention to this subject comes up every now and then always to die down without any repercussions.

I’ve written about DD a few times now and will defend doing so for a publication, but it has to be done right, which this article did for the most part. While it’s easy to be selfish with your spots, you can’t blame others for wanting activities you value. Besides no spots were busted, though the divers should know better than to dive in broad daylight. 

Extra credit for anyone that knows which Dumpster is pictured.

I guess you could argue that any mainstream attention is negative because of the slim chance that exposure would be detrimental (i.e. the companies or law enforcement start cracking down), but time and time again this has never happened.

I like the anecdote about the master scavenger. For a second I thought it was going to be about Patrick’s dad.

My biggest issue with the article is that it’s foolish to think of DD as some political movement. Let’s be honest, it’s as political as letting  someone who’s hungry to eat (or for someone like me, maybe the majority of DDers, to spend their money on better things).

I’m also sick of all the cheesy quotes always attributed to DD. They’re so lame I considered self banishing myself from the activity.

If you want to read some real crazy shit find the one diver’s Christian blog. I’m not going to link, but search for it if you want to read some real hippie-love Christianity that bends the bible to support simplistic and cliche progressive beliefs. Worst of all, the blog’s written in that academic type of way where its obvious the author it trying to sound overly smart to compensate for something.

It’s amazing what society classifies as crazy while allowing some to blog freely without the confines of a mental ward.

Death Pool

 

I thought about making a Web site like Magazine Death Poll that focuses on the collaspe of my profession. Fuck, beat again by someone anonymous from who knows where.

The most frustrating aspect of the Internet is all the competition eager to beat you to your own good ideas.

Whether its gaining fame and infamy by posting bmx videos on The Come Up or making a million bucks off a gimmicky website, the Internet is not about being the smartest, just being first.

Monday at Bernies

Every now and then it’s nice to see glass bottles thrown at the performers, one drunk piss everyone off,  and to come home from the bar reeking like an ashtray (despite the smoking ban and not being a smoker yourself).

Bernies continued its goal of going full circle – being so bad it’s good again. It hasn’t reached that point yet, but it’s getting close …

Monday was comedy night and future performances are scheduled to take place every other week following the filming for Scum Fucks. The acts for the six comedians (or so) were short, which was nice. Variety is the spice of life and at about 15 minutes each you don’t have to worry about a bombed set dragging on.

There were a couple of them. Two guys I’ve never seen (sorry I’m a bad reporter, I didn’t take notes) did your typical 20-something white guy routines. Not terrible, but then again not memorable, either. They were a little on the square side especially for the Bernies crowd. 

Cory Baxter’s set was also sub-par (maybe it was because of the bottle that shattered at his feet when he walked on stage).  I thought Cory had one of the better acts during the Books for Crooks, Jokes for Punks 2 show thanks to that incredible Flying J call back, but at Bernies he was not able to get his momentum going.

So a one-armed man walks into a bar and does stand-up … Again, I didn’t get this guy’s name, but he definitely had the most interesting and self-degrading act of the night. At first people unfamilar with him weren’t sure if he had his arm pulled into his shirt or if he really had one arm.

“Is it gay to use another man’s hand to masturbate,” he asked to a room full of awkward silence. “What if he was just holding the magazine?”

Half his set was filled with jokes like this including one about how he used to use a prostephic that was a giant Number One Fan hand you see at sporting events. Another time he pulled his stub out and whirled the little finger coming off his elbow so fast I thought he was going to fly away like a helicopter.

Wearing red fishnets, a mini skirt, belly shirt, scarf and matching winter hat, Jennifae looked and performed like a Christmas present. Solid set from start to finish, which included her singing that infamous dirty blues song, but that not her best performance of the night (see below).

Rocking a grey suit with a Judas Priest shirt underneath, the Cleveland Indian (fuck, forget his real name, too), had the best comedic set of the night. He reminds me of a deeper-voiced, dry-witted Aziz Ansari without the hyper hipster pretension. Great transitions and new material (to me). What makes his set so enjoyable is that you can count on it, every time, being great start to finish. It would be interesting to see him have to dig himself out of a hole once in a while, however.

The highlight of the night was The Piccadillos, Throat Sex, TBA or whatever the fuck they’re called. Not sure if it was the Bernie environment or the addition of a bassist young enough to be Jennifae’s daughter (barely), but the band sounded like the tempo was sped way up. Brit’s vocals, mostly backup, also sounded improved, but that might be from using an upgraded sound system compared to the piss-poor ones used at DIY shows.

Monday was by far the best performance I’ve heard from the ladies. That’s saying a lot because I’ve already said they’re the best new band in Columbus.

Now if they can just come up with a name. My suggestion is to play a show and pass put ballots with the top three choices on them and let your fans vote. If you go this route at Bernies just be sure not to include a write-in option.